Grace for imperfect parents

I must confess: As a parent, I have a very short fuse. The yeller in me is often not far from the surface.

It’s in my family’s DNA. I come from a long line of fiery, imperfect people. But the same people who gave me my temper have also given me a legacy of fierce love and hard work, always in service of their kids. My family—like most families—is complicated.

Maybe that’s why I get a little choked up when I read stories of parents who’ve gone through World Vision’s positive parenting programs. It’s easy to see myself, my grandparents, and even my great-grandparents in the stories of people who were parenting their kids the best they could, using methods passed down through generations—only to realize they were doing more harm than good. People with the love and humility to see a better way, and make a change.

At World Vision, we know that safe, nurturing environments are crucial for children’s holistic health and well-being. One aspect of our work is supporting families to build healthier relationships rooted in love, forgiveness, grace and community.

This work can be revolutionary, as broken relationships are mended and families are restored to each other. Curious to learn more?

Here are ten truths we teach in World Vision’s positive parenting programs

1. Cultures around the world may have different ideas of what “good” communication is, but positive parenting comes down to two basic skills: speaking clearly and listening attentively.

When parents communicate effectively, their kids feel heard and understood, which boosts self-esteem. Ineffective or negative communication, on the other hand, may lead children to believe they’re unimportant, unheard or misunderstood, which leads to battles and standoffs. Speaking clearly means using simple and specific words to explain what you want your child to do or understand. Listening attentively could mean paying attention to your child, even when you’re busy with other tasks.

2. Parents who understand their own worth are more likely to see the good in their kids.

In our parenting programs, families are encouraged to identify each other’s good traits and celebrate them. Seeing the inherent positive qualities in each family member, ourselves included, helps to build a foundation for forgiveness when it’s needed.

3. Reflecting on our own childhoods can equip us to be better parents.

For some of us, remembering our upbringing can be quite painful, especially if it involved deep hurt or trauma. But reflection is healthy, especially if it helps identify how negative patterns in our parenting may link to our past experiences. This can help pinpoint areas where we need support in breaking harmful cycles.

4. The way we treat our kids teaches them to respect (or disrespect) us and others.

In some families and cultures, learning to treat children with respect requires a major shift in our attitudes about children. World Vision programs emphasize that children are born with human dignity. To treat a person with respect is to acknowledge and preserve their human dignity. We encourage parents to listen with care to their kids’ thoughts rather than dismissing what they say as “foolish” or “unimportant.” Respect is the basis for a trusting, healthy relationship.

5. To mentor our kids well, we need to spend time with them.

Positive parenting requires quality time and supervision. Children look to their parents to learn how to behave. But we can’t model healthy behaviours or get a true sense of how they’re doing if we aren’t present with our kids. By paying attention to how they interact with others, we can reinforce good habits and coach them as needed.

6. Understanding children’s stages of development helps us set reasonable expectations and boundaries.

Each stage of childhood comes with joys and challenges. While “NO!”-obsessed toddlers and passive-aggressive teens tax our patience, it helps to remember that certain behaviours are expected and may benefit from parenting that emphasizes compassion over rigid rules. When frustrations are piling up, consider asking, are the expectations I’ve set for my child fair? Do they need my firmness or my grace in this moment?

7. Protect children with positive discipline rather than harsh or physical approaches.

Many parents around the world have been raised with the belief that disciplining children requires tactics that hurt and humiliate them. But studies have shown that physical punishment leads to increases in aggression and mental health problems for children, among other issues.

Children need boundaries, but instead of relying on punishment we teach discipline in the context of love and grace. This encourages parents to use positive reinforcement and age-appropriate consequences to inspire good behaviour.

8. We can’t parent effectively when we’re angry.

It’s normal for parents to become overwhelmed or angry, especially when children act out. Our programs encourage parents to identify and accept those feelings. Then, try techniques like deep breathing or stepping outside until they’re calm—it’s nearly impossible to problem-solve and communicate effectively when we’re upset.

9. Healing broken relationships is possible.

All families experience conflict and hurt. Even in the most trying situations, we know healing is possible. We teach that identifying and releasing past hurts is important before we can move forward. This includes asking for and extending forgiveness. (Sometimes families need professional support to navigate these topics, and in these cases, we help with referrals.)

10. Community helps.

We encourage parents and caregivers who participate in our programs to keep meeting together. This helps them support each other socially and emotionally as they put what they’ve learned into practice.

Surrounding ourselves with like-minded friends can bring humour and solidarity, help during crises and relief from loneliness in the beautiful but sometimes trying experiences of parenthood.

Did you know? For every dollar invested in our positive parenting programs, more than $4 in mental health benefits are generated for the children who participate. Learn more.

World Vision’s positive parenting programs use multiple project models and approaches, depending on the context. These may include Celebrating Families , Families Make the Difference, Parent Support Groups and Parenting with Tenderness.