Speaking to children about tragedies is a job that most parents would love to avoid. If only our children did not need to hear about things like tsunamis and earthquakes, school shootings and AIDS orphans.
But of course, they do hear. And children of a reasonable age will process very sad information best, if they hear it from the people who love them best—their parents. Here are some ways to make a tough job a little bit easier.
Start By Listening
Find out what your kids already know, or think they know. Stephanie Rabenstein, a child and family therapist based in London, Ont., suggests parents begin a conversation about a tragedy by telling kids the truth, simply, and then asking them the question: "What would you like to know?"
Provide Clear, Simple Answers
Limit your answer to the question asked and use simple language whether the event is personal, like the death of a loved one, or global, like the tsunami or the Virginia Tech massacre. Saying that people went to sleep and didn't wake up or even "passed on" means little to a child. It may just confuse them even more.
Limit Exposure to Media Coverage
It is okay to watch for a little while, with a parent present, but viewing hours of television footage of intense sadness is not helpful for anyone, whether your young one is a child or a teen.
Concentrate on Making Them Feel Safe
When tragedies occur, young children may wonder if the same event could happen in their hometown. If it was an act of nature that you know could not be repeated in your area, tell children that. Placing themselves in the situations of victims is not all bad—it is a sign of empathy, an essential life skill, but watch for signs of excessive worrying.
If You Don't Know the Answer, Admit It
If your child asks a question that you can't answer, tell them that and then do some research to try and help them sort it out. Your child will know they can trust you. If their question is the biggie: "Why did this have to happen?" don't be afraid to say "I don't know" to that one either. If you are part of a faith community, the love, hope and reassurance offered there can be invaluable in helping your child sort through the awful truth that awful things happen.
Knowing that parents are there for them, ready and willing to provide simple, truthful information in kid-sized doses helps children know that they are safe, loved, and, yes ready and able to respond when tragedy strikes.
